Te voy a romper la madre

In a previous post, I talked about the phrase "te voy a chingar", which is a way of saying you're going to kick someone's ass.  Or worse, someone's telling you they're about to kick your ass!  Let's hope it's not the latter.  If you haven't read that post, click here.
But like most things in Spanish, there's more than one way to skin a cat.  By the time you finish reading this post, you'll know more than enough ways of letting someone know you mean business.

Te voy a romper la madre
Te voy a partir tu madre
Te voy a dar unos chingadazos
Te voy a dar unos madrazos
Te voy a dar unos putazos

All of the phrases above essentially translate to "I'm going to kick your ass".   Chingadazos, putazasos  and madrazos refer to really giving someone a good beating. I'm not sure we really have an equivalent in English, but you might say that you're not just going beat them up, you're going to "beat their ass" or "whip their ass" really good.  Something that goes beyond a normal beat down.

There are two more phrases, which also mean an ass kicking is about to be handed out, but I found them a little more entertaining.

Te voy a partir tu mandarina en gajos
I'm going to tear you're Mandarin Orage into slices

What oranges have to do with ass kickings is beyond me.

Te voy a dar en tu 10 de mayo
I'm going to give it to you in your May 10th

You might be wondering what May 10th has to do with an ass-whoopping.  Well, May 10th is the day Mother's Day is celebrated, which brings up back to the word "madre", which we've already seen above, so hopefully everything is coming together with phrase right about now. 

I know that some of my readers are Spanish speakers looking for equivalent English phrases, so let me leave you all with a few common English, or at least American phrases:
 
I'm gonna kick your fucking ass
I'm gonna rip you a new one
I'm gonna rip you a new asshole
I'm gonna kick the shit out of you
I'm gonna beat your ass
 
Just for fun, here's a few I heard on the playground as a kid:
 
Your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it
If you're gonna kick my ass you better pack a lunch because it's gonna be an all day job
 
Well, that's more ass-kicking than any one person should have to suffer for one day.
 
¡Hasta luego!

Te voy a chingar

Chingar is such a versatile verb, it seems that it can be used to say just about anything.   In this case, it translates quite nice to English...

"I'm going to fuck you up"

Hopefully the only time you'll hear  this is as a joke, which is how I heard it.  The good news is it should be fairly easy to tell if someone is joking or not with this one.  And if they aren't joking, then you've mananged to get yourself into a pickle, hopefully not with something you learned from my blog, LOL.

And like everything else in Spanish, there's more than one way to skin a cat.

Voy a partir tu mandarina en gajos
I'm going to tear your mandarin orange into slices.

Te voy a partir la madre, hijo de la chingada
I'm going to split your mother you son of a bitch.

Well, our second example doesn't translate so well, but both examples mean the same thing as "Te voy a chingar"....somebody wants to kick your ass. 

Since we're on the topic of bodily harm, there's some more vocabulary that fits right in...putazos, golpes and chingadazos.  In fact, I actually discussed putazos and golpes in my other blog,  you can read the entry here.

But basically, golpes are punches or hits of the normal sort.  When you give out putazos and chingadazos, you're really handing out an ass-whooping.  You can think of the two as synonyms, but do remember they're both a bit crude.  In fact, the picture below gives you a visual image of chingadazos, but if you click the link you'll see a very entertaining video that  brings chingadazos to life.

I hope you enjoy the video, I always get a good laugh out of it.

¡Nos vemos!