La cagaste bien cagada

I remember walking through the book store with my daughter one day, and we ran across a book called "Everybody poops".  The book was about potty-training and we got a serious laugh out of that.   Don't judge us, we just have a strange sense of humor.  Besides, it's true, everybody poops.  But admit it, sometimes it's more appropriate, accurate and a lot more fun to say you have to take a shit.  And if you want to tell someone you have to shit in Spanish you need the word cagar.

Tengo que cagar
I have to shit

Here's something you may see scribbled on the bathroom wall:

Caguen tranquilos, caguen contentos,
pero por favor, caguen dentro.

The translation goes something like this:

Shit peacefully, shit happily, but please, shit in the toilet.

Memorize it and save it for just the right moment, your Spanish buddies won't be able to stop laughing and everyone will be impressed. 

Cagar is also useful to tell someone to fuck off.

Vete a cagar

 Let's take a look at some words that come from cagar.

A cagadero is what we would call a "shitter".

Aside from a toilet, a cagadero could be an outhouse or a port-a-potty, but you can also use it metaphorically.  Take a look at this picture:

Aqui no es cagadero para perros
This place is not a shitter for dogs

Los cagaderos del bar están muy sucios
The shitters in the bar are very dirty

Me voy al cagadero,  así que nadie me moleste
I'm going to the shitter, so nobody bother me

Su casa es un cagadero
His house is a shithole

The context of our sentence above changes our translation a little, but you get the idea.
You can also use cagar to talk about how you (or someone else) messed something up. 

La cagaste bien cagada
You really screwed that up

Clearly this phrase isn't polite. It's probably a lot stronger than "screwed up", but maybe not as vulgar as "fucked up". 

Here are some more examples.

La cagué con mi novia
I screwed up with my girlfriend

La cagué en mi examen
I fucked up on my test

Lastly, let's look at the word cagada.  If you say something is "la cagada" you're saying it's really great.  Or as we would say it's "the shit"

La película es la cagada
The movie is the shit

Change "la" to "una" and everything changes.

La película es una cagada
The movie is a piece of shit

These phrases should be pretty easy to pick up because they're used pretty much in the same way as our corresponding English phrases.  I'll leave you with one more image.  If you 've been paying attention translating it should be no problem.  Consider this a test and your reward will be a good laugh.

That's it for today, chao!