¡Jódete!

In Mexico chingar is the verb of choice for slinging around insults and obscenities in general, but in Spain you'll need the verb joder. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, I know you've already figured out what jódete means. 


¡Jódete!

Fuck you!

While jódete does get the job done, there's also another very nice expression.

Que te jodan

Fuck you

Joder can be used for insults, general swearing and to talk about the act of sex.

If just want to let off a little steam, then you can say:

¡Joder! 

Fuck

You can also say:

Estoy jodido

I'm fucked

Here's a few more uses of joder.

It's used to make threats:

Te voy a joder
I'm gonna fuck you up

You can use it to talk about how annoying someone is.

Este tio no para de joder a la gente
This guy won't stop fucking annoying people

No me jodes
Don't fucking annoy me

You can use it to say something is in really bad shape

Se ha jodido el motor

The engine’s fucked
 
La situación es jodida
The situation is fucked up 
 
And of course to refer to sex.
 
Me jodí a la secretaria
I fucked the secretary
 
While joder can mean "to fuck" as in English, it's much more common to use the verb follar.
 
Te quiero follar
I want to fuck you
 
Me follé a mi novia y su hermana

I fucked my girlfriend and her sister

Since we started things off with insults, there's another expression worth mentioning,  although it doesn't involve the word joder.  Let's take a look.

Que te den

Literally this translates to "that they give it to you".  It doesn't seem to make much sense, because we have no idea what it is they're trying to give us.  At any rate, we know it's nothing good.  Let me fill you in on the part that's missing so this will all make sense.

"Que te den" is actually short for:

Que te den por el culo

That they give it to you in the ass

Well, now things are starting to come together, but our translation isn't quite there.  In English we'd be likely to say:

Que te den por el culo

Stick it up your ass 

We could also translate this as "up yours", either way you get the idea.  

That's about it.  Remember, this discussion of joder is about its use in Spain.  Joder is used in other countries, but it's meaning and uses vary, so do your homework if you're using these expressions with someone other than Spaniards.  Also, this is by no means an exhaustive account of the many expressions and uses of joder.  If you know more, don't be shy, share them by leaving a comment or two.

And don't forget to check out Qué Boquita, the only android phrasebook that will teach you how to swear like a native speaker.  Whether you're in Spain, Mexico or somewhere else you can count on Qué Boquita to keep you from sounding like a gringo while you give people a piece of your mind.

¡Espero que te sirva!

Sabes qué, ¡Chingate!

A picture's worth a thousand words, and I bet I don't need to translate the message this little pinche escuincle (fucking brat) is sending.  Yep, you guessed it, chingate means "fuck you".  Here's another nice insult:

Chinga tu madre
Fuck your mother

While insulting people is always fun (and sometimes dangerous) the word "chinga" has other uses as well.

In English, we toss around the word fuck all the time.  It can be used in a lot of ways, like expressing anger, surprise or frustration and just to flat out insult someone to name a few, and today we'll talk about how do all that in Mexican Spanish, with the the word "chinga" and it's derivatives.

While in English we use the F word (fuck) , aka the "F bomb", to express both emotion and the act of sex, it doesn't work that way in Spanish. 

If you want to talk about the act of sex (fucking), then you need the verbs follar, coger, tirar, joder or chingar for that, with coger being the verb of choice in Mexico.  But if you need to let out a little steam in Mexican Spanish, you can say:

¡Chinga!
Fuck!

You can use the word chinga in the same context you would in English. 

Smashed your finger in the car door?  ¡Chinga!

Got a letter from the IRS saying you owe them $10,000?  ¡Chinga!

You get the point, but here's some more examples anyway:

Ya te dije que me dejes en paz ¡chinga!
I already told you to leave me alone, fuck!

¿Qué la chinga?
What the fuck?

There's also chingao, or chingado.  The word is actually chingado, although you'll see and hear both.   Here's how you would use them.

¿Que chingados?
What the fuck?

¿Quien chingados eres?
Who the fuck are you?

Pues, ¿qué chingados hago?
Well, what the fuck do I do?

¡Ah, chingao! Se me perdieron las llaves
Fuck!  I lost the keys

And here's one more for you...

¿Dónde está Wally? Sepa la chingada
Where's Waldo? Who the fuck knows

For those of you who caught my "Where's Waldo" reference, in Spanish he's known as Wally.  Don't ask me why, I was just as surprised as you.

If you feel you need a little more practice, you can check out this YouTube video:

The nice thing is the video has the letra (lyrics) as well, so now you can learn how to write your insults down.

That's it for today.  Next time we'll talk about how to tell someone to  fuck off in a more neutral Spanish.

¡Hasta luego!

Voy a dedear a mi vieja

I've talked about masturabation before, but it's been primarily from a male perspective.  Today we'll take a look at some female terms for masturbation.

Actually, there are a few generic terms you can use for talking about masturbation in both sexes.  The first one is mastubarse.

¿Es bueno mastubarse todos los días?
Is it good to masterbate everyday?

There's Hacer una paja...

¿Cómo se hace una paja?
How do you masturbate?

Now let's move on to phrases that specifically refer to la masturbación femenina - female masturbation.

Hacerse un dedo and Hacer un dedo. 

What's the difference between these two you ask?  When you Hacerse un dedo, you're doing it to yourself:

Me gusta hacerme un dedo
I like to finger myself

When you Hacer un dedo, someone else is doing it to you.

Mi novio me quiere hacer un dedo
My boyfriend wants to finger in me

Although this doesn't specifically mean mastubation, it's very closely related so it's worth mentioning - meter(se) dedos.

The same thing happens with Meterse dedos and meter dedos.  Meterse dedos is to finger yourself, and meter dedos is when someone else does it.

Me meto dos dedos en la vagina
I put two fingers in my vagina

Mi novia me quiere meter el dedo en el culo
My boyfriend wants to put a finger in my ass

And now we finally get to dedear.  In English, dedear means "to finger".

Me gusta dedearme
I like to finger myself

¿Te gusta como me dedeo?
Do you like how I how finger myself?

Voy a casa para dedear a mi vieja
I'm going home to finger my old lady

That's it for today.  While there are probably many other ways to talk about female masturbation, these will more than get you started. 

¡Hasta la próxima!

Jálamela

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Chupame los huevos

Chúpame los huevos
Suck my balls

This is one of many fun things you can say with the word huevos.  You can use this to tell someone off, or you can use to get want you in the bedroom.  Hey, it sounds crude, but some people like that kind of talk.  And yes ladies, you can use this too.

Chupame las tetas/panocha
Suck my tits/pussy

You can use milder words if you like (seños instead of tetas), but this blog is all about being vulgar, so I decided to go with the flow.

Anyway, the topic of today's conversation is the word huevos.  There are many, many many expressions involving the word huevos, and I'm only going to talk about the few that I'm familiar with.

If for some reason you missed it in the title, huevos can mean balls, as in testicles.  And just like in English, if you want to say someone is "ballsy" you can say something like:

Este cabrón si tiene huevos
This bastard has some balls

Or simply "¡que huevos!".

Then there's huevón.

¡Ay, qué huevón que eres!
You are such a lazy fuck.

No seas huevón
Don't be a lazy bastard

There's no direct translation of huevón that I can think of, but the options I chose are probably pretty damn close.   And if this lazy person happens to be a female, then just switch it up to huevona.  Keep in mind that I'm talking about the meaning of this word in Mexico, and could mean something completely different in other countries.

There's also the expression "A huevo".

Possible the most common use of "A huevo" is agreement.

¿Quieres ir de putas compa?
¡A huevo!

You want to go pick up some hookers dude?
Fuck yeah!

While "A huevo" is best used with your friends.  It's probably stronger than "hell yeah" but maybe not quite "Fuck yeah". Translation is a tricky business.  The point here is it's pretty rude. 

Here's another usage:

When you're told to do something "a huevo", you have two options.  Lo haces o lo haces - You do it or you do it. 

A huevo te vas a ir al escuela
You're going to go school whether you fucking like it or not

Here's a funny saying I found:

El Mexicano no te ordena -Te manda a huevo
A Mexican doesn't order you to do it, he tells you're going to fucking do it no matter what

Here's another good one:

Ni a huevos

This is a fun way to tell someone what you're not going to do.

¿Me prestas cien dolares?
¡Ni a huevos!

¿Quieres correr un maratón conmigo?
¡Ni a huevos!

You can think of this as no fucking way, you couldn't force me to do it, never ever.

Lastly, you can use "A huevo" when someone tells you something good happens.

¡Compa! Me tocó el gordo
¡A huevo!

Dude, I won the lottery.
Fucking sweet!

Well, that's it.  I know there are other uses of the word "huevo", and as I learn more I'll continue to share them with you. 

¡Hasta la próxima!

Me Vengo Mami, ME VENGOOOOOOO!!!

If you've been learning Spanish for a while, you're probably familar with the verb venir, meaning to come.   But you may not be familar with venirse, it's reflexive cousin.  And trust me, this is something you want remember and get it right, for more reasons then one.

Well, let's get straight to it, no point in beating around the bush.

Venirse also means to come, or should I say, to cum. If you want to  be more politically correct, to ejaculate – eyacular.   But we're not here to be politically correct, so let's get back to venirse.

Here's some examples:

Me vengo
I'm coming

Me voy a venir
I'm going to cum

Todavía no me venia
I still haven't cum

Sí, venga papi, venga
Yes, cum baby, cum

Quita el condon y vente en mi culo
Take off the condom and cum on my ass

Well, you get the picture, or at least I hope you do.  I could post pictures, but that might be going to far.  I'll let you find your own pictures.

Let me add that venirse is used more in Mexico and Central America.  So what do they use  elsewhere?  correrse. 

Me corro en tu cara
I'm going to cum in your face

Me cabalgó hasta que se corrió
She rode me until she came

Of course you can substitute correrse for venirse in the previous examples.   Truth is, you can use either one.  You'll be understood from the context if nothing else.
 
So we've covered the act itself, but now we need to talk about the product of your, uh, actions.
 
A corrida is a vulgar way to talk about ejaculation. what people in the porn business call the money shot.  OK, techinically a money shot would probably be a "corrida en la cara".   But in plain English we'd call a corrida a cumshot.  Where you deliver or receive it is up to you. 

On a side note, a corrida can also be a bullfight.  Try not to get those mixed up, you may find it slightly embarrassing.   But don't worry, bullfights are typically called a corrida de toros.  But as I write this, I find myself thinking about the many jokes that can come of this.  No pun intended. 
 
Well, we've talked about quite a bit already, but we're not done yet.  I mean, after all, if we're going to talk about this, we need to make sure we cover everything. 
 
Sometimes when you're enjoying one of those "special moments", people get impatient and want to rush the ending, so let's talk about what you can say to help speed up the process.

¿Quieres que me venga?
Do you want me to cum

Dame la leche papi
Give me that milk baby

Leche is the term used to refer to semen, so if you hear someone chuckling after you use the word leche, now you know why.   Now it's time to translate the word semen.  Lucky for you the word for semen in Spanish is semen.

Let's get back to finishing the process.

Quiero que te vengas
I want you to cum

quiero tu leche
I want your milk (cum)

Quiero tu leche en mi boca
Quiero tu leche en mi lenguita

Do I really need to translate those last two?  Nah., I think you got it. 

And while this blog is dedicated to vulgar Spanish, I will leave you with some regular terms to let your pareja(partner) know you're about to close the deal.

¿Ya terminaste?
Did you finish?

BTW, If you hear this, you're probably not doing it right.

Me voy a acabar
I'm going to finish

¡Ya!  That's it for today.  If lady luck is on your side, you'll get plenty of opportunities to try this Spanish out.

Me caga tu sonrisa

Let's start with the verb cagar.  Some people will tell you this means to deficate, but it really means"to shit".  If you want to say "defecate", then the word is defecar.  Huge difference between those two.  I really hate when people don't translate things accurately, it could really get you in a lot trouble.  But I digress.

You can't use cagar to say "shit!".  If it's the exclamation you're looking for, then you want to say "¡Mierda!" or "¡Coño!"  But we'll talk more about those in another post.

Now back to cagar. 

You can use it just like you would in English:

Tengo que cagar
I have to shit

But we aren't talking about cagar today.  We're here to talk about it's reflexive cousin, cagarse.  And since cagarse is a reflexive verb it means "to shit yourself."

Casi me cago los pantalones
I almost shit my pants

Casi me cago de la risa
I almost shit myself from laughing so much

Me cago de miedo
It scares the shit out of me or I'm scared shitless

And while those are fun, let's get to today's expression.

Cagarse, at least in Mexico and perhaps other countries, can also be used to say something really fucking annoys you.

Me caga tu sonrisa
Your smile really fucking annoys me

¿Sabes qué me caga?
Do you know what fucking annoys me?

You get the picture, and if you want to see more examples, check out this blog page:

10 cosas que me cagan de ti... Humanidad

There are lots of great examples of how to use this phrase there.  Have fun with it.

That's it for today, ¡hasta la próxima!