In a previous post, I talked about the phrase "te voy a chingar", which is a way of saying you're going to kick someone's ass. Or worse, someone's telling you they're about to kick your ass! Let's hope it's not the latter. If you haven't read that post, click here.
But like most things in Spanish, there's more than one way to skin a cat. By the time you finish reading this post, you'll know more than enough ways of letting someone know you mean business.
Te voy a romper la madre
Te voy a partir tu madre
Te voy a dar unos chingadazos
Te voy a dar unos madrazos
Te voy a dar unos putazos
All of the phrases above essentially translate to "I'm going to kick your ass". Chingadazos, putazasos and madrazos refer to really giving someone a good beating. I'm not sure we really have an equivalent in English, but you might say that you're not just going beat them up, you're going to "beat their ass" or "whip their ass" really good. Something that goes beyond a normal beat down.
There are two more phrases, which also mean an ass kicking is about to be handed out, but I found them a little more entertaining.
Te voy a partir tu mandarina en gajos
I'm going to tear you're Mandarin Orage into slices
What oranges have to do with ass kickings is beyond me.
Te voy a dar en tu 10 de mayo
I'm going to give it to you in your May 10th
You might be wondering what May 10th has to do with an ass-whoopping. Well, May 10th is the day Mother's Day is celebrated, which brings up back to the word "madre", which we've already seen above, so hopefully everything is coming together with phrase right about now.
I know that some of my readers are Spanish speakers looking for equivalent English phrases, so let me leave you all with a few common English, or at least American phrases:
I'm gonna kick your fucking ass
I'm gonna rip you a new one
I'm gonna rip you a new asshole
I'm gonna kick the shit out of you
I'm gonna beat your ass
Just for fun, here's a few I heard on the playground as a kid:
Your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it
If you're gonna kick my ass you better pack a lunch because it's gonna be an all day job
Well, that's more ass-kicking than any one person should have to suffer for one day.