Chupame los huevos

Chúpame los huevos
Suck my balls

This is one of many fun things you can say with the word huevos.  You can use this to tell someone off, or you can use to get want you in the bedroom.  Hey, it sounds crude, but some people like that kind of talk.  And yes ladies, you can use this too.

Chupame las tetas/panocha
Suck my tits/pussy

You can use milder words if you like (seños instead of tetas), but this blog is all about being vulgar, so I decided to go with the flow.

Anyway, the topic of today's conversation is the word huevos.  There are many, many many expressions involving the word huevos, and I'm only going to talk about the few that I'm familiar with.

If for some reason you missed it in the title, huevos can mean balls, as in testicles.  And just like in English, if you want to say someone is "ballsy" you can say something like:

Este cabrón si tiene huevos
This bastard has some balls

Or simply "¡que huevos!".

Then there's huevón.

¡Ay, qué huevón que eres!
You are such a lazy fuck.

No seas huevón
Don't be a lazy bastard

There's no direct translation of huevón that I can think of, but the options I chose are probably pretty damn close.   And if this lazy person happens to be a female, then just switch it up to huevona.  Keep in mind that I'm talking about the meaning of this word in Mexico, and could mean something completely different in other countries.

There's also the expression "A huevo".

Possible the most common use of "A huevo" is agreement.

¿Quieres ir de putas compa?
¡A huevo!

You want to go pick up some hookers dude?
Fuck yeah!

While "A huevo" is best used with your friends.  It's probably stronger than "hell yeah" but maybe not quite "Fuck yeah". Translation is a tricky business.  The point here is it's pretty rude. 

Here's another usage:

When you're told to do something "a huevo", you have two options.  Lo haces o lo haces - You do it or you do it. 

A huevo te vas a ir al escuela
You're going to go school whether you fucking like it or not

Here's a funny saying I found:

El Mexicano no te ordena -Te manda a huevo
A Mexican doesn't order you to do it, he tells you're going to fucking do it no matter what

Here's another good one:

Ni a huevos

This is a fun way to tell someone what you're not going to do.

¿Me prestas cien dolares?
¡Ni a huevos!

¿Quieres correr un maratón conmigo?
¡Ni a huevos!

You can think of this as no fucking way, you couldn't force me to do it, never ever.

Lastly, you can use "A huevo" when someone tells you something good happens.

¡Compa! Me tocó el gordo
¡A huevo!

Dude, I won the lottery.
Fucking sweet!

Well, that's it.  I know there are other uses of the word "huevo", and as I learn more I'll continue to share them with you. 

¡Hasta la próxima!

Me Vengo Mami, ME VENGOOOOOOO!!!

If you've been learning Spanish for a while, you're probably familar with the verb venir, meaning to come.   But you may not be familar with venirse, it's reflexive cousin.  And trust me, this is something you want remember and get it right, for more reasons then one.

Well, let's get straight to it, no point in beating around the bush.

Venirse also means to come, or should I say, to cum. If you want to  be more politically correct, to ejaculate – eyacular.   But we're not here to be politically correct, so let's get back to venirse.

Here's some examples:

Me vengo
I'm coming

Me voy a venir
I'm going to cum

Todavía no me venia
I still haven't cum

Sí, venga papi, venga
Yes, cum baby, cum

Quita el condon y vente en mi culo
Take off the condom and cum on my ass

Well, you get the picture, or at least I hope you do.  I could post pictures, but that might be going to far.  I'll let you find your own pictures.

Let me add that venirse is used more in Mexico and Central America.  So what do they use  elsewhere?  correrse. 

Me corro en tu cara
I'm going to cum in your face

Me cabalgó hasta que se corrió
She rode me until she came

Of course you can substitute correrse for venirse in the previous examples.   Truth is, you can use either one.  You'll be understood from the context if nothing else.
 
So we've covered the act itself, but now we need to talk about the product of your, uh, actions.
 
A corrida is a vulgar way to talk about ejaculation. what people in the porn business call the money shot.  OK, techinically a money shot would probably be a "corrida en la cara".   But in plain English we'd call a corrida a cumshot.  Where you deliver or receive it is up to you. 

On a side note, a corrida can also be a bullfight.  Try not to get those mixed up, you may find it slightly embarrassing.   But don't worry, bullfights are typically called a corrida de toros.  But as I write this, I find myself thinking about the many jokes that can come of this.  No pun intended. 
 
Well, we've talked about quite a bit already, but we're not done yet.  I mean, after all, if we're going to talk about this, we need to make sure we cover everything. 
 
Sometimes when you're enjoying one of those "special moments", people get impatient and want to rush the ending, so let's talk about what you can say to help speed up the process.

¿Quieres que me venga?
Do you want me to cum

Dame la leche papi
Give me that milk baby

Leche is the term used to refer to semen, so if you hear someone chuckling after you use the word leche, now you know why.   Now it's time to translate the word semen.  Lucky for you the word for semen in Spanish is semen.

Let's get back to finishing the process.

Quiero que te vengas
I want you to cum

quiero tu leche
I want your milk (cum)

Quiero tu leche en mi boca
Quiero tu leche en mi lenguita

Do I really need to translate those last two?  Nah., I think you got it. 

And while this blog is dedicated to vulgar Spanish, I will leave you with some regular terms to let your pareja(partner) know you're about to close the deal.

¿Ya terminaste?
Did you finish?

BTW, If you hear this, you're probably not doing it right.

Me voy a acabar
I'm going to finish

¡Ya!  That's it for today.  If lady luck is on your side, you'll get plenty of opportunities to try this Spanish out.